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So you have all these different ideas none of them really linked together so there’s no coherence to this paragraph and in terms of the overall essay there’s still no coherence because all the ideas are too random okay now I’m going to fix this paragraph I fixed it two ways because there are two things you can do one you can keep all those separate ideas and create an umbrella topic for them and the second way is just keep one topic and elaborate on it so to begin with enhancing the quality of public transportation would lead to many benefits very general topic sentence but the focus is benefits now I can list benefits firstly on as a car sorry as owning a car is very expensive many citizens depend daily on public transportation now I need to elaborate I need to explain a little bit and an improved public transportation system would ease their burdens ease their burdens. See more examples of linking at Robotdon.

So who’s going to ease a citizen’s burden the government okay so right I’m back to the government which is the overall theme of the essay right secondly secondly a good public transportation system would be more likely to attract international visitors and boost the local economy as tourists would be more attracted to the area so yes talk about the economy but don’t talk about international investors because why would international investors care about our buses it’ll being visitors the visitors will bring money the money will help the economy so you still have the economy but it’s more realistic and I have secondly I don’t need to connect it back to the citizens who can’t afford their cars because I firstly secondly thirdly three different benefits under the umbrella topic sentence okay where we have lastly public transportation services have been proven to be a major factor in reducing the number of cars and city streets less traffic consequently so as a result of the fewer cars on the streets lowering emissions that damage the environment.

First benefit the people the people who live in the city will have an easier time less financial burdens secondly helps bring in tourists and helps the economy thirdly protects the environment all benefits in the topic sentence thus conclusion a modern efficient public transport a transportation system is certainly worth a government investment consideration now I’m tying the whole thing up because here are all the benefits that’s why the government should spend money on improving public transportation system because that’s the thesis of the whole essay and now you have very good coherence everything works together to create one whole clear argument for your essay but if you want or if the writer if adrionna wants to keep his original topic sentence let’s do that to begin with enhancing the quality of public transportation should be mandatory for any government especially in countries dealing with mobility issues okay we’ll keep that we’re going to talk about the government duty and mobility issues but now I want to stick to that idea so everything else had to get rid of.

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